Thursday, August 21, 2008

List of stupid things people have said whilst I DJ #3

August 16, 2008
Spoiled rich kid's graduation party

Hopeless aging father: "Can ya play something that will make people dance? Something for the older folks..."
(note: Paid DJ's will constantly be trying to get people to dance. It's our job. Your job is to make sure your guests get properly smashed so that they will want to dance. It's difficult to do either when there are hordes of kids on sugar highs running amok.)
Me: Sure... what kinda stuff?
Hopeless aging father: "Ah, you know, something dance-y."
Me: Yeah, uh, well, what kind of bands or songs do you want to hear?
Hopeless aging father: "We're Disco Duck people."

Unfortunately, none of the "disco duck" people danced (and I rocked a killer disco set, too).

My new favorite comic strip

More high-quality sarcastic humor at Dustinland

(Thanks, Will!)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Arguing on the internet is like competing in the special olympics...

Recently, on the internet site, I had commented on a story regarding a man who had recently been detained at JFK International Airport after returning from "a brief vacation to Syria". It seems he feels he was treated unfairly by the Department of Homeland Security. While I have a decidely liberal conscience, I found my views on this story differed greatly than with those who also peruse Reddit, who overwhelmingly sympathized with this man's plight.

Is it just me? Shouldn't I be the one who's getting older and grumpier about government services? Isn't complaining about being detained at the airport the equivalent of complaining about long lines at the Division of Motor Vehicles?

And isn't anyone else slightly relieved that someone who just went on a "brief vacation to Syria", a country which has numerous travel advisories issued by the CIA and Department of Interior, a haven for terrorists and overall haven for Anti-U.S. sentiment, would be detained upon re-entering this country? Wouldn't it be stupid to expect to NOT be detained?

NHS agent: So, what were you doing in Syria sir?
Stupid Idiot Traveler: Aw, just hangin' with some friends, checkin' out some clubs, ya know??!!
NHS agent: I'm going to have to detain you for further questioning.
Stupid Idiot Traveler: Awww man! Totally bogus! this is totally infringing on my rights and whatnot!!

Well, someone responded to my sentiments saying I was the douchebag, which is usually true.
But I'm starting to think most of the people who read reddit are just a bunch of overly idealistic liberal twats.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

We're nothing but the nerds they say we are...

You know you're an early 90's computer nerd [and had no life] when:

- You start getting nostalgic for Windows 3.1
(not as nerdy as the guy who wrote a wikipedia entry about it)

- You start getting nostalgic about Windows 3.1 color schemes

- You miss playing Gorillas and Nibbles for MS-DOS 5.0

- You think the glory days of online gaming involved Tele-Arena

- You remember how exciting it was the day 5600 baud modems came out (or 19.2, for that matter)

- Leisure Suit Larry and X-Wing for CD-ROM!!!!! (talk about nostalgia: a September release is planned for Leisure Suit Larry on PS3???!!!)

Oh, the memories...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Olympics / The word "phenomenal" update

- Whoever the fey commentator calling the gymnastics competition is, has used the word "phenomenal" at least 80 times so far.  Can someone please get this man a thesaurus? 

- Badminton is the curling of the summer olympics. 

- It's amazing how obvious it is China is cheating by using girls below the minimum age for their gymnastics team.   

- It's neat how people who were initially "too cool" to watch the olympics have been sucked in by it's greatness.   

Monday, August 4, 2008

List of Stupid Things People Have Said Whilst I DJ - #2

Thursday July 31st Karaoke night - Harvest Moon
It's not necessarily stupid, but highly amusing to me...

Random Headbanger: "Dude, you got any Suicidal Tendencies?"

Why I find this amusing: I'm just envisioning some karaoke company coming up with ideas for new songs, and one of their employees lamenting the fact that there are no Suicidal Tendencies tracks available for karaoke, despite the fact that people who listen to this legendary hardcore thrash metal band from the '80's are not very likely to be seen at a karaoke bar. However, it would be amazing for the following two reasons:

1. Having someone sing Suicidal Tendencies immediately after some fucktard who was all amped performing a Limp Bizkit song... "karaoke shame". I like thinking the Limp Bizkit douche would go home and re-assess his music collection, and how he used to think it was bad-ass.

2. Watching someone perform "Institutionalized".

from the album Suicidal Tendencies, 1983

Sometimes I try to do things
And it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.
And I get real frustrated.
It's like, I try hard to do it
And I take my time
But it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.
It's like I concentrate on it real hard,
But it just doesn't work out.
And everything I do and everything I try,
It never turns out!
It's like, I need time to figure these things out.
There's always someone there going,
"Hey Mike, you know,
We've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you
You should maybe get away,
And like, maybe you should talk about it,
You'd feel a lot better."
I go, "No, it's okay you know, I'll figure it out.
Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out you know.
I'm just working on myself."
And they go, "Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it,
I'll be here ya know,
And you'll probably feel a lot better if ya talked about it,
So why dontcha talk about it?!"
I go, "No! I don't want to I'm okay! I'll figure it out myself!"
But they just keep buggin' me,
They just keep buggin' me
And it builds up inside!

So you're gonna be institutionalized
You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes
You won't have any say
They'll brainwash you until you see their way

I'm not crazy - Institution
You're the one who's crazy - Institution
You're driving me crazy - Institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

Uh - I was in my room
And I was just like staring at the wall thinking 'bout everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing.
And then my Mom came in,
And I didn't even know she was there.
She called my name
But I didn't hear her.
Then she started screaming, "Mike, Mike!"
And I go, "What? What's the matter?"
She goes, "What's the matter with you?!"
I go, "There's nothin' wrong Mom."
She goes, "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!"
I go, "No Mom, I'm not on drugs.
I'm okay, I'm just thinking, you know.
Why don't ya give me a Pepsi?"
She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"
I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking."
She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs!
Normal people don't act in that way!"
I go, "Mom, just give me a Pepsi please,
All I want is a Pepsi."
And she wouldn't give it to me!
All I wanted was a Pepsi!
Just one Pepsi!
And she wouldn't give it to me!
Just a Pepsi!

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around your back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - Institution
You're the one who's crazy - Institution
You're driving me crazy - Institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

I was sitting in my room.
My Mom and my Dad came in.
So they pull up a chair and they sat down.
They go, "Mike, we need to talk to you."
And I go, "Okay, what's the matter?"
They go, "Me and your Mom,
We've been noticing lately you've been having a lot of problems,
And you've been going off for no reason.
And we're afraid you're gonna hurt somebody,
We're afraid you're gonna hurt yourself.
So we decided that it would be in your best interest
If we put you somewhere
Where you could get the help that you need."
And I go, "Wait! What are ya talking about?!
We decided?!
My best interest?!
How do you know what my best interest is!
How can you say what my best interest is!
And what are ya trying ta say, I'm crazy?!
When I went to your schools!
I went to your churches!
I went to your institutional learning facilities!
So how can ya say I'm crazy?!

They say they're gonna fix my brain
Alleviate my suffering and my pain
But by the time they fix my head
Mentally, I'll be dead

Chorus (two verses):
I'm not crazy - Institution
You're the one who's crazy - Institution
You're driving me crazy - Institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

...Doesn't matter I'll probably get hit by a car anyway