Worst of the blah blah blah

So many "best of/worst of" lists littering the internet these past few weeks have been re-kindling my love/hate for various albums, movies, and the like. Unfortunately, this includes what I consider to be one of the worst travesties of music ever perpetuated upon people who listen to music: Kid Rock's "All Summer Long". Why so much hate for such a simple little summertime ditty, Milky?

1. There's already a classic song titled "All Summer Long".
And one of my top 5 summer songs of all time. Must Kid Rock ruin everything?



2. It's the most unoriginal "original" song I've ever heard.
Let's see, take the hook of one highly recognizable classic rock anthem from the '70's for the verse, and lift the hook of another for the chorus. WOW! FUCKING BRILLIANT. Two more classic songs, ruined. But wait Kid, surely you've got some sort of Morrison-esque prose you can hit us with to save it:

"We didn't have no internet / but man I will never forget / the way the moonlight shined upon her hair"


Nevermind.


3. What was really happening in 1989.

Much of the song is dedicated to repeating the fact that Kid Rock spent most of the summer of 1989 singing Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama". The rest of it deals briefly with a story of a cliche summer romance, and assuring us that he was drinking heavily and smoking "different things", most likely marijuana. While the latter fact may be true, in fact, Kid Rock spent the year 1989 rapping. Despite his image makeover in recent years, it's no secret that Kid Rock cut his teeth in the music business by attempting to gain fame as a hip-hop performer. A quick glance at his Wikipedia entry indicates he was on tour with the "Straight from the Underground" Tour in 1989, opening for Ice Cube and Too Short, among others. Additionally, it's highly doubtful that the rest of Kid Rock's social circle were constantly singing classic rock tunes from 15 years prior. Hair metal was peaking, and artists like Paula Abdul and Milli Vanilli were ruling the charts. To make the fraud complete, he shot the video in Nashville, Tennessee, despite penchant for constantly referencing his home state of Michigan. Gee Kid, dontcha think Michigan could use some of your business these days?

Of course, the song was a global smash. I was practically required to play it at every party I DJ'd that summer. As vapid, boring, and derivative as the song is, the fact that this song was a hit and that people somehow gleaned some sort of enjoyment out of it causes me great pain every time I hear it.