I have big sunglasses but I am a guy. They are not big big, but they are pretty big. Am I a d-bag? If it helps you decide, I am 5'11" and have a medium to ugly face and somewhat tan skin.
~Grad Student in Piscataway
Dear Grad Student,
Great question. I realized after that post that I spent a lot of time hating on the ladies and giving ZZ Top lots of props (not that they don't deserve it). And today, I happened to walk past a dude wearing rather large frames. And yes, he did look like a major douchenozzle. Here's the problem: You want to look fabulous (who doesn't?), but right now, large frames are a cop-out. You're saying to the rest of the world, "I think I look fab, but really I'm just a mindless idiot". It's not to say you can't pull it off. For instance, if you are into glam rock, or are a musician in a glam-rock band, or generally endorse the glam-rock lifestyle of cocaine, tastefully gaudy clothing, bi-sexuality, sleazy riffs copped from T.Rex and drum beats copped from Gary Glitter, then you can probably pull it off, as it is almost expected of you:
Elton
Spacehog
Ian Hunter of Mott the Hoople
But chances are, you are not an actual rocker. Even if you play an instrument in a band, your band probably sucks. Subtract more points if your band is not signed to a record label, and even more if the extent of your "tour schedule" is limited to the tri-state area. So for you, big sunglasses are out.
Getting more to the point: sunglasses make everyone infinitely cooler. Unless you wear sunglasses that make you look like a clown. You don't need them. Simplicity will always win. Stop wearing big stupid sunglasses, and you will be just fine. That is all.
2 comments:
i normally don't wear sunglasses because they make me look like an over-sized insect. the only sunglasses i do wear on occasion are aviators, since they make me look somewhat cool.
all vanity aside, i don't wear sunglasses because my face already has a pair of prescriptions on. i know i can wear contacts, but they are a) expensive b) they irritate my eyes and c) i'm lazy. my prescription glasses are also black-frame plastic glasses that are way trendy these days. in my defense, it's hard to not jump on a trend when a girl says she likes your glasses and then immediately sleeps with you...
when i read this post, i imagine that rather than reading it, i am hearing it. it is a speech, being given by His Honor Milky Manchester, in front of a giant American Flag. the National Anthem is playing in the background, as hummed by a large military choir.
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